Perhaps the most revealing song about John Lennon’s relationship with his first son was written by Paul McCartney.
In 1968, as John left Cynthia Lennon for Yoko Ono, McCartney drove to visit Cynthia and five-year-old Julian. During the journey, he began singing a tune called “Hey Jules,” hoping to comfort a child whose family was falling apart. It eventually became “Hey Jude.”
The song is remembered as an act of friendship, but it also carries an uncomfortable implication. At one of the most painful moments in Julian’s childhood, another Beatle recognized what the boy needed more clearly than his own father did.
John Lennon may have loved Julian, but judged by presence, responsibility and emotional security, he was not a good father to him for most of his life.
Julian Grew Up With an Absent Father
Julian was born on April 8, 1963, just as Beatlemania was beginning to consume John Lennon’s life. Touring, recording and constant public attention left little space for ordinary family life. John was only 22 when Julian was born and had grown up with his own experiences of parental abandonment.
Those circumstances explain some of his failures. They do not remove his responsibility for them.
After John and Cynthia separated in 1968, Julian remained with his mother while his father built a new life with Yoko Ono. The separation between father and son became more than geographical. Julian later wrote that he saw John only a handful of times after the divorce and often found him “remote and intimidating.”
In a 2025 interview with The Guardian, Julian said that when his father left, it was largely just him and Cynthia. They had little involvement with John or The Beatles and remained outside the world that millions of fans imagined they shared.
That testimony matters more than photographs of occasional holidays or affectionate meetings. A parent cannot be judged by isolated moments preserved on camera. Childhood is shaped by repetition: who calls, who visits, who listens and who remains when life becomes inconvenient.
“Hey Jude” Was a Quiet Indictment
McCartney has explained that he wrote “Hey Jude” while driving to see Cynthia and Julian. He wanted to encourage the boy after his father had left. The story is documented in McCartney’s A Life in Lyrics and in the official history of the song on The Beatles’ website.
The song should not be used to claim that McCartney replaced John as Julian’s father. He did not. It does show that Julian’s distress was visible to the adults around him.
John, by contrast, appeared absorbed in his relationship with Ono, his political campaigns and his effort to escape the identity of “John Lennon the Beatle.” His desire to rebuild his life was understandable. The cost was paid partly by a child who had no control over the divorce and no meaningful place in his father’s new world.
A man who publicly urged society to embrace peace and love left his first son wondering why those values seemed unable to cross the distance between their homes.
Sean Received the Father Julian Had Needed
The sharpest evidence against John came years later.
When Sean Lennon was born in 1975, John largely withdrew from recording and embraced the public role of a househusband. He spent years at home, helped care for Sean and wrote warmly about him in songs such as “Beautiful Boy.”
Julian did not resent Sean for receiving love. The pain came from discovering that his father was capable of giving a child the attention he had once withheld.
John tried to explain the difference by describing Sean as a planned child while Julian had not been planned. In his 1980 Playboy interview, he insisted that this did not mean he loved Julian less. The explanation may have been honest, but it was also revealing. Children experience love through conduct, not through a parent’s private assurance that the feeling exists.
By becoming a more attentive father to Sean, John showed that he had matured. He also exposed the scale of what Julian had missed.
There Were Signs of Love and Regret
John was not entirely indifferent to Julian. He bought him a guitar, invited him to visit and showed interest in his early music. Julian has recalled scattered but affectionate memories, including sitting with his father and watching the sunset.
Their communication also improved during Julian’s teenage years. In a 2020 BBC conversation highlighted by John Lennon’s official website, Julian remembered that he and his father had begun speaking more frequently by telephone when he was 15, 16 and 17.
These details prevent the story from becoming a simple portrait of a heartless man. John appears to have recognized some of his failures and may have wanted a closer relationship. His murder in December 1980 ended that possibility when Julian was only 17.
Yet intention cannot be treated as completed repair. A few improving years did not erase a childhood of uncertainty, and John did not live long enough to prove that the change would last.
Julian’s Forgiveness Does Not Rewrite His Childhood
Julian has spent much of his adult life trying to understand his father without allowing resentment to control him. He has spoken about forgiveness, preserved affectionate memories and developed a close relationship with Sean.
That generosity belongs to Julian. It should not be used to improve John’s record as a parent.
Forgiveness is a decision made by the person who was hurt. It does not turn absence into presence or give a child back the years in which he felt rejected. Julian can love his father, admire his music and still describe him honestly as a man who failed him.
Conclusion
John Lennon was capable of tenderness toward Julian, and there is evidence that he wanted to repair their relationship before his death. He was also young, damaged by his own childhood and overwhelmed by a level of fame few people had experienced.
None of that is enough to call him a good father to his first son.
Good parenting depends less on what a parent feels than on what a child consistently receives. Julian received occasional affection, but Cynthia provided the stability, care and daily presence that raised him. John arrived in fragments.
The fairest verdict is also the hardest one. John Lennon loved Julian, but for most of Julian’s childhood, he did not love him in the dependable way a father should. He may have been becoming a better man by 1980. Julian had already spent too many years waiting for him to become a better father.